Unable to Remember but Unwilling to Forget
by QweenGwen
Summary: Reid wakes in the hospital, only to find out that Gideon is gone, that the David Rossi is his friend and teammate, and a few years have gone by. It's a shock to the system to say the least. He is the man who cannot forget, that is his blessing, his curse, his identity, and yet here his is with years of memories missing. Rated T for language and violence.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I know I have some unfinished stuff on here, and that yes I have been AWOL for a while, but I'm working on it don't worry. I just haven't been feeling really writey (that so should be a word) lately. :/ it's summer though so I should be feeling more up to it eventually. Well anyways, back to this lovely piece of work. I was shocked at the lack of amnesia work, so I decided to do one of my own. Kind of like The Vow, but no romance decided yet. Anywhos I don't own nothing, just having some fun. **

* * *

Waking was painful. He was confused, if he was remembering correctly he should still be feeling the residual buzz from the last hit he had. His eyes fluttered open, but quickly shut tightly as he was shocked by the bright light.

'Fuck! What's with the light?' he thought angrily. His mind was working a little slower than usual, he couldn't exactly place where he was. 'This isn't my bed!' he realized. It was harder and the sheets were stiff and uncomfortable, like that of a hospital bed.

'Hospital?' he began freaking out, 'Did someone find me? Shit it was probably Gideon. Damn it!' he internally cursed.

Realizing that he was definitely in a hospital, the noxious clean smell of antiseptic and the constant beeping of his heart monitor confirming his suspicions, he decided to find out what had happened.

"Reid?" a concerned voice asked him. Reid tried again to open his eyes, turning his head to the sound of the voice. He tried to talk but only succeeded in opening his mouth slightly.

"Shush, Reid don't talk yet. Just open your eyes" the voice continued to speak. The voice was familiar but he couldn't place it just yet. Finally Reid succeeded in opening his eyes, but he was even more confused.

"David Rossi?" he asked a harsh whisper.

"Yes, Reid. Thank god you're awake. We were all so worried" Rossi was saying. Reid wished to ask so many questions, but a cup of water was being pushed against his lips. Thirsty, he drank greedily. All the while Rossi continued to talk, "We had finally managed to get the girls to go home. Hotch just left an hour ago to take care of Jack and Morgan went to get us some coffee."

It looked like Rossi was going to continue but the door had opened, and in came Morgan followed by two nurses.

"Pretty boy" Morgan spoke with a tired smile, while the nurse flew in and began checking Reid over.

Looking utterly confused, Reid spoke with a waver in his voice, "Um Morgan, why is The David Rossi in my hospital room?"

Morgan laughed, "I know he seems like he doesn't care but the old man really does love us after all." Morgan moved closer to the bed and laid a hand on Reid's leg, "You really scared him, me, all of us" he said in a serious tone.

"I'm sorry. Did you find me? I mean in my apartment? Or wait, … wait, I mean it's David Rossi, why would he even know me? And where's Gideon? …. What the hell is going on?" Reid cried in a whisper, his voice still rough.

"Reid? What do you mean?" Morgan asked eyebrows crinkled with concern.

"Reid can you tell me what day it is?" Rossi broke in.

"Um, well no. I mean, I don't know how long I have been in here, or really when I came down, uh I mean. The last thing I do remember was being home after work, um Wednesday I think. I don't really recall all that well. I mean we had just come home from Louisiana, yeah that's right. Hotch gave us the week off. Said he'd see us on Monday" Reid trailed off at the worried looks on their faces. The nurse had stopped checking his vitals, Reid had noticed, she was just watching them. "Um what day is it?" he asked uncertainly.

Rossi was the first to respond, "It's Tuesday, Reid. Now why don't you relax for a little? Morgan is going to go call the rest of the team, and I'm going to go find your doctor, okay?"

Reid nodded. He would have protested, would have demanded answers, but he was fading fast. Confused, Reid fell back asleep.

* * *

Just outside the door to Reid's hospital room, Morgan paced the hallway waiting for Hotch to answer his phone.

"Is he awake?" Hotch asked in greeting.

"Yeah, just uh Hotch I think we have a problem." Morgan replied, "Reid think's we just got back from Louisiana, doesn't remember meeting Rossi and is asking for Gideon?"

"Gideon?" Hotch sighed, "So amnesia? Damn I don't even remember a case in Louisiana with Gideon other than when we met Will."'

"Shit! That was right after Hankel" Morgan cursed, running a hand over his head. "Hotch what are we going to do?"

"We help him, Morgan. I'm going to call jess to watch over Jack. You call the rest of the team and I'll be there soon."

"Yeah, okay." Morgan agreed, and hung up. He looked down the hallway to see Rossi speaking with a doctor. Rossi looked up, and their eyes met, both looking tired and lost, but determined to figure this all out.

* * *

**A/N: Tell me what you think? Also yes I want it to be post season 5, but I don't know where at yet. I left it as the girls, and rest of the team. So you guys tell me Seaver? Emily? JJ? Blake? don't worry about Garcia, I am so having her in this.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Yup another one for you. See the end for more notes on the story, and as always I own nada.**

* * *

Hotch had arrived at the hospital shortly after Morgan had called. JJ, and Emily met him in the parking lot on their way into the building. Garcia had miraculously beaten them there and was sitting with Morgan and Rossi in the waiting room. After Morgan and Rossi filled the team in, they tried to piece together a timeline for Reid.

"Well I can't really help you guys much with this, he only knows me as David Rossi, retired FBI and criminology writer" Rossi admitted.

"Yeah, he was asking for Gideon, so we know it's before that mess" Morgan explained. "He also said that we had just gotten back from a case in Louisiana."

"I can only remember the case with Will" Hotch added, turning to JJ, "You would probably remember better, did we have any other cases in Louisiana that year?"

JJ shook her head, "No, I mean we could have, but Hotch that was five years ago."

"Besides, he worked with Morgan, Gideon, and you for years before that as well. How do we know that he's not back there, Hotch?" Emily asked.

"We don't" Hotch replied shaking his head. He pinched the bridge of his nose before continuing, "Alright, Emily why don't you go sit with Reid for now, if he remembers you then that at least gives us a time frame to work with, without disturbing him too much." Emily nodded her agreement. Hotch then turned to Garcia, "Can you and JJ compile a list of all cases we had in Louisiana where Reid worked with me, Gideon, and Morgan."

"Right on it sir!" Garcia gave a salute before handing her keys off to Morgan, "My laptop is in Ester, away my cocoa servant." Morgan took the keys and left in the direction of the parking lot, muttering as he went; something about a crazy woman.

"Well I guess we wait now" Rossi noted trying to find a more comfortable position in the hard plastic chairs.

Hotch and the girls nodded, also trying to find a comfortable seating position, except for Emily who stood to make her way to Reid's room. She gave a wave to the team as she left.

* * *

The next time Reid awoke, a friendly face sat at his bedside, "Emily" he called out with a smile.

"Oh Reid" Emily replied, reaching out to him. She laid a hand on his arm, "How are you feeling?"

"Better, I think. Was Morgan here earlier?" Reid asked, hoping the last time he woke was all a weird dream.

"Um…" Emily hesitated.

Reid groaned. "It wasn't a dream" he cried. "What's the date?"

"Not now Reid, you need some more rest okay?" she replied, rubbing his arm warmly.

He shook her off and asked again with more force, "Emily what is the date?" Still she hesitated, so he shook off her arm and began pulling the wires and tubes off.

"Reid! Wait!" Emily cried trying to stop him.

"No" Reid gritted out. "I'm not going to stay here and be coddled by some career agent I've known for less than a year. Now let me go, I'm going home now."

Emily was at a loss for words. This was not her Reid, it was the one from five years prior. The Reid who lashed out at her, the one who…

"Shit, Reid are you craving?" Emily asked without thinking.

"Am I what?" he gritted out in rage. His anger rolling off of him in waves, "How dare you!" he cried continuing to rip off the wires and tubes keeping him trapped to the bed.

Emily was ashamed she had asked so rashly. She was about to apologize when a nurse stormed into the room, soon followed by another. Emily was pushed to the side as they tried to calm Reid down and back into the bed.

"Fine, fine. I'll stay until I speak with the doctor" Reid finally conceded. "However, I want no one to enter this room except for my medical proxy Agent Jason Gideon."

"But Reid" Emily began to protest.

"No. Out." he cried. One of the two nurses began leading her out.

"Just, Reid. It's not Gideon, it's Hotch, okay?" Emily said sadly as she was pushed from the room.

"Well, fuck" Reid sighed. Looking to the nurse he spoke softly but forcibly, "Just Agent Aaron Hotchner then, okay?" The nurse nodded, while continuing to reaffix all that he had thrown off. Reid sighed again, closing his eyes and thinking.

His eyes flew open when he remembered, "What date is it?" he asked the nurse.

"March 20th, dear" the nurse replied.

"Year?" he asked desperately.

The nurse looked at him with concern, "2012, dear."

Reid closed his eyes, and threw back his head. 'Five years!' he cried internally. 'Five years, and apparently a lot had changed.'

* * *

**A/N So yes I set it in season 7. A lot has changed since season 2, so I think this will be fun. Now I will touch on the drugs from time to time but this will not be a reid!drugs fic. I loved the support from you guys as well as the ideas. Keep it coming :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So yes I am back. but my muse is being a little iffy lately. Sorry for the delays, I'll try and get her back under control. :) Also check out my new addition to ****_Radio Inspiration_**** I have been stuck on Blake's leaving since the finale so I wrote a little something about it. Also it sort of leaked into this story as well, so sorry Blake haters. As per usual I still own nothing**

* * *

Emily composed herself outside of Reid's hospital room. She could feel the tears behind her eyes, willing them away as she clenched her fists. Finally after getting her emotions under control, she made her way back out to the lobby and her team.

Hotch stood when he saw his agent approaching, "Prentiss? Anything?" JJ, Rossi and Garcia stood as well, Morgan was already pacing but he turned to Emily.

"Well he remembers me" she started. Seeing some relief in her coworkers' eyes, she felt bad about the next piece of information, "It's definitely after Hankel though, he snapped at me just like back then."

"Well shit" Morgan said as he dropped into a chair. The rest of the team shared his sentiment.

"Um well there's more" Emily began awkwardly. Hotch gave her a look to continue, so she did "I might have upset him without meaning harm and now only Hotch can see him."

"What did you say?" JJ demanded standing in defense of her pseudo little brother.

"Without thinking and yes I know how stupid and insensitive I was" Emily began feeling like she had to preface it, "I asked if he was craving?"

The rest of the team drew in sharp breaths and gave angry looks. JJ looked murderous, but eventually Morgan spoke, "Has anyone actually called him out on it? Like used the words, drugs and shit?"

The team looked around shaking their heads, "I mean you all heard him say what he did after Emily came back about using again" JJ reminded everyone quietly.

"And I've talked to him about NA, but in very vague terms" Hotch added.

"We've talked about what Hankel did but never what Reid did after" Morgan admitted. He felt like a horrible friend.

"It's plausible deniability" Rossi said, "You couldn't without risking your own job as well."

"Doesn't matter" Morgan said. "I mean as of right now, I can't remember the last time I talked to him about real things, probably not since before Prentiss came back" Morgan admitted sitting, "That's not right."

"Me either" JJ admitted.

Hotch and Rossi just sat down, they too hadn't really spoken to Reid in a long while or really ever.

Garcia looked heart-broken, "I don't think I've really spoken to him since before Gideon left." She paused thinking hard, "I mean we all joke and talk about inconsequential things but he used to confide in me some little things, and know I don't even know how his mother is? Or if he finished that degree he was working on?"

"Which one?" a voice spoke from behind them. They all jumped slightly. "You are speaking about Spencer correct?"

Garcia nodded, while Hotch spoke up, "And you are?"

"Oh sorry, excuse my bad manners. I'm Dr. Alex Blake, Spencer and I are friends." Seeing the confused looks around her, Alex continued "Spencer has been a guest lecturer in my linguistics classes for a few years now, and was actually called away from one such lecture for your previous case. When I didn't hear from him I called his work and an Agent Anderson sent me here." The team still has yet to speak, so Alex again spoke up, "I'm guessing you're his team? So can you tell me how he is doing?"

Hotch snapped to his senses first and spoke, "Well physically he is roughly okay: a few cracked ribs and some bruises, but mentally… well it seems he has lost five years of memory."

Alex felt dizzy. She sank into the nearest chair, "I didn't know it was that bad" she exhaled. Then a thought hit her quickly, "I met Spencer for the first time roughly five years ago, but we didn't become friends until just two years ago." she explained, "Do you think he'll remember me?"

The team looked at this new person with some residual shock and sadness. "I don't know, but most likely no. I'm sorry." Hotch responded. "It might be best that you don't see him for a while, as it stands only I am allowed in the room at the moment." Hotch paused at her confused look, "He hasn't taken to losing five years of his memory well, and we might not have acted entirely appropriate either."

At this Emily looked down in guilt and shame, Alex noticed but said nothing. She nodded her understanding, "Alright, well I have time before my next class. Do you mind me hanging around here for a while?"

"Not at all" Morgan spoke up, while the rest of the team made similar affirmations.

Garcia stood and came to sit near the still mysterious woman, "So tell me all about Spencer. I guess he has gotten more than one degree since I last checked?" Alex smiled in return and began telling about her and Spencer's relationship and all that she knew about the young man. In return, the team regaled stories about Reid that she had yet to hear.

* * *

After a few hours, Alex left to her class. She had exchanged numbers with the team, demanding to hear from them with any news. Soon after Hotch, Rossi, Garcia and Emily left as well to attend to things at work.

As they made their way down the elevator, Rossi spoke up, "Did you know Alex Blake used to be Special Agent Blake and worked with Strauss at one point?"

There was a collective gasp as Hotch, Garcia and Prentiss turned to look at him. "And you didn't mention this until now, why?" Hotch asked.

"Aaron calm down, as I recall she left the bureau after the disaster of the Amerithrax case. From certain sources, I believe she was believed to be at fault" Rossi explained.

This was a new element to the mix and the team didn't know what it meant. Meanwhile, JJ and Morgan sat in the waiting room.

* * *

"So that Dr. Blake?" JJ began.

"Yeah" Morgan responded, "She sure knows a lot about Reid."

"Mmm hmm" JJ replied, "Damn, I just wish he'd talk to me again."

"I know it hasn't been the same in a long time" Morgan replied, "But we've all changed you included."

JJ exhaled and threw he head back in defeat. Looking up at the ceiling, she replied, "I know. I'm not the same person that I was before Emily _died_ and I don't think Spence likes this new me."

"Jayje don't think like that" Morgan began, "He just doesn't like change, for the good or bad, and he hates lying even more. It's just something we all have to try and get over and move on. That dinner at Rossi's was a start but it can't be the end."

JJ nodded before shutting her eyes and simply lying there. Morgan took that as an end to the conversation so he too got more comfortable and relaxed into his chair.


End file.
